FATAWESOME

Attention Red Sox fans. As a dedicated sox fan, are you ever confused at which products you should buy? Do you ever go shopping and question your loyalty when you realize you forgot your Boston Red Sox official sponsor list? Have you ever found yourself crouching naked, shivering over stubborn kindling wood praying for help; warmed only by a baseball cap fitting snuggly on your head, cursing your beloved organization for ruining your free will as a consumer? Well now your hackneyed prayers to the baseball gods are answered. Foreverflame was announced yesterday to be the newest Red Sox sponsor and will hold the greatly desired position as “Official Fire Bellow of the Boston Red Sox”.

Foreverflame was founded in 1688 by English settler Roger Chillingworth after a bitterly cold New England winter forced him to use 8 of his 12 children for firewood. Chillingworth’s business once floundered in a greatly competitive hearth industry but recently has blossomed into the oldest Fortune 500 company in America. “No comment”, said Red Sox owner John Henry of his motivation for the sponsorship.

Joining the likes of the “official data storage provider” (EMC Corp.) and the “official windshield-replacement company” (Giant Glass), Foreverflame agreed to an official sponsorship contract for a rumored 8 figure per year deal. Foreverflame vice president Joe Waterstone believes the exclusivity of the sponsorship is worth the money saying, “I feel replacing Wally the Green the Monster with an oversized fireplace accessory will add a nice touch to the ballpark”. Besides exclusive mascot privileges, umpires at Fenway Park will be contractually obligated to clean home plate every three pitches with a bellow, while the pitcher yells “Foreverflame!”

On August 27th, to celebrate their newest partnership Fenway Park will be holding “Fire Safety Awareness Day”. Game long festivities will include handing out bundles of firewood to the first 350 lucky fans as well as starting massive fires throughout the ballpark. Thanks to the Red Sox’s newest official sponsor, fans can rest easy the next time they are in risk of a smoldering fire or are smelting iron ore.

Tags: fatawesome red sox official sponsor fortune 500 fenway

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 15th, 2008 at 11:42 pm and is filed under Chris, articles. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.